No symptoms whatsoever, not even PMS. I am now 9 DPO and I should have tender breasts and alert nipples. Nadah. Therefore, I am going to assume that my egg did not fertilize and I will be having AF on Wednesday. Okay, I'm all set for injectables.
It's kind of depressing, all this. I mean, I prime the pump as much as can be done. I don't ingest caffeine during the 2WW, I try to relax (but you try relaxing while writing your dissertation), I eat right, I take all my vitamins and medicines on schedule ... and nothing happens. It's just a downer.
Well, I'll go now. No use hoping for a BFP this month. Nothing seems to be going right.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Insemination went fine ...
Hi! Well, after I charged out from school at a mad run, rushing to my car to hit 80 on the highway to get to the RE on time ... I got inseminated fine. I was still ticked at my boss (diarrhea of the mouth in front of 92 students promising something he just did not get), but I was able to SMILE. Maybe, just maybe, a wee one will come of this time.
However, in case one does not, here are my latest jewels ...
We go to injectables next time. Oooohhhh! What fun! Basically hyperstimulating, triggering, and inseminating on a much quicker, much more deliverable basis.
Now, I know. No one in her right mind should get excited about injectables, right? It's just that I am getting a bit discouraged by the lack of the IUIs to take. And since I am getting over the needle phobia, why not do it in a big way?
It reminds me of high school and the ASVAB. Let me tell you a story ... The ASVAB is the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery, a series of tests designed to show the armed services what you would be good at if you worked for them. In high school, I was a rebellious child. (Echoes of sarcastic "Yeah, right!" are pounding away.) I was seriously considering joining the army or such for a few years to get the GI bill to go to college. So I took the ASVAB. And I knocked the socks off the sucker. (Who, me?) My lowest score was a measly 62 in mechanical, but I topped out at 99 (administrative), and 3 98s. Yeah, I was pumped. These were percentiles. I was basically better at mechanical junk than 61% of the other test-takers, most of whom were men and perhaps many of whom were mechanically inclined.
I got the call from the army recruiter who wanted to go over the report with me. So off I went to the recruiting station downtown (with my Mom's knowledge, God love her soul). I sat down and listened as the man extoled my virtues - or brains - telling me that out of everyone that entire month who had taken the test, I had scored the highest. (Of course.) He showed me all the jobs on the computer for which I was qualified to perform for the army. It was a long list! Yes! And there is paratrooper! I could jump out of airplanes! Then, he pushed another button and the list became markedly reduced.
He'd had to enter that I was female.
Back then, folks, women weren't allowed in combat positions. Still aren't in many cases. I was not permitted to have any job which required me to carry a handgun. (As an aside, this is the point where I tell you I am a crack shot, so good my own brothers forbid me from using the airgun because I was too deadly to the squirrels.) No gun? Why? And then I did what I always do ... I got mad. Are you telling me I can't be a paratrooper?
Man, I was ticked. So ticked I stormed out of that recruiting station and went home. I lit in to my mother about the unfairness of it all. It just wasn't right. Who were they to tell me I would be a great supply administrator? I wanted paratrooper and I was QUALIFIED to be one!
You see, I am a driven woman. I started out as one, only as a little girl. Swimming lessons, bullies, the bull, learning to read, I always pursued that which I wanted with a zest and eagerness that others could not imagine. There are no glass ceilings. I am a feminist raised by a feminist. While my brothers had restrictions, I had markedly few. And now the army was daring to tell me there was something I couldn't do? Of all the nerve.
So when that recruiter and the gentlemen from the other services called at my house, my mom was ready. No, I was not joining the (insert "navy"; "army"; "marines"; "air force"; "coast guard"). Until they let me jump out of airplanes, I was going to go to college. They could now leave ...
Well, I did go to college, as nauseum. It really is where I am at my best.
And the reason for this story? You see, I am terrified of heights. I knew it then. (It has a lot to do with falling off the roof when I was a child. Prickly roses, took hours to de-thorn my derriere.) And the solution was to address that fear. That's why I wanted paratrooper. I could conquer the fear. Well, bully for the army for doing that. It does have its good side, though. I look terrible in olive! And can you imagine me following orders? And I would have been correcting the grammar of sergeants ... good thing, huh?
SO ... like I was saying about the needle phobia (which is far more pervasive than the fear of heights), if I have to do injectables, it would be gone. Food for thought ....
Take care!
However, in case one does not, here are my latest jewels ...
We go to injectables next time. Oooohhhh! What fun! Basically hyperstimulating, triggering, and inseminating on a much quicker, much more deliverable basis.
Now, I know. No one in her right mind should get excited about injectables, right? It's just that I am getting a bit discouraged by the lack of the IUIs to take. And since I am getting over the needle phobia, why not do it in a big way?
It reminds me of high school and the ASVAB. Let me tell you a story ... The ASVAB is the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery, a series of tests designed to show the armed services what you would be good at if you worked for them. In high school, I was a rebellious child. (Echoes of sarcastic "Yeah, right!" are pounding away.) I was seriously considering joining the army or such for a few years to get the GI bill to go to college. So I took the ASVAB. And I knocked the socks off the sucker. (Who, me?) My lowest score was a measly 62 in mechanical, but I topped out at 99 (administrative), and 3 98s. Yeah, I was pumped. These were percentiles. I was basically better at mechanical junk than 61% of the other test-takers, most of whom were men and perhaps many of whom were mechanically inclined.
I got the call from the army recruiter who wanted to go over the report with me. So off I went to the recruiting station downtown (with my Mom's knowledge, God love her soul). I sat down and listened as the man extoled my virtues - or brains - telling me that out of everyone that entire month who had taken the test, I had scored the highest. (Of course.) He showed me all the jobs on the computer for which I was qualified to perform for the army. It was a long list! Yes! And there is paratrooper! I could jump out of airplanes! Then, he pushed another button and the list became markedly reduced.
He'd had to enter that I was female.
Back then, folks, women weren't allowed in combat positions. Still aren't in many cases. I was not permitted to have any job which required me to carry a handgun. (As an aside, this is the point where I tell you I am a crack shot, so good my own brothers forbid me from using the airgun because I was too deadly to the squirrels.) No gun? Why? And then I did what I always do ... I got mad. Are you telling me I can't be a paratrooper?
Man, I was ticked. So ticked I stormed out of that recruiting station and went home. I lit in to my mother about the unfairness of it all. It just wasn't right. Who were they to tell me I would be a great supply administrator? I wanted paratrooper and I was QUALIFIED to be one!
You see, I am a driven woman. I started out as one, only as a little girl. Swimming lessons, bullies, the bull, learning to read, I always pursued that which I wanted with a zest and eagerness that others could not imagine. There are no glass ceilings. I am a feminist raised by a feminist. While my brothers had restrictions, I had markedly few. And now the army was daring to tell me there was something I couldn't do? Of all the nerve.
So when that recruiter and the gentlemen from the other services called at my house, my mom was ready. No, I was not joining the (insert "navy"; "army"; "marines"; "air force"; "coast guard"). Until they let me jump out of airplanes, I was going to go to college. They could now leave ...
Well, I did go to college, as nauseum. It really is where I am at my best.
And the reason for this story? You see, I am terrified of heights. I knew it then. (It has a lot to do with falling off the roof when I was a child. Prickly roses, took hours to de-thorn my derriere.) And the solution was to address that fear. That's why I wanted paratrooper. I could conquer the fear. Well, bully for the army for doing that. It does have its good side, though. I look terrible in olive! And can you imagine me following orders? And I would have been correcting the grammar of sergeants ... good thing, huh?
SO ... like I was saying about the needle phobia (which is far more pervasive than the fear of heights), if I have to do injectables, it would be gone. Food for thought ....
Take care!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Updates
Hi! OK, here are some updates:
1) I have 2 follicles in the left ovary, 1 is 22 mm. and the other is 27 mm. I also have a uterine lining of 10+, which means I am ripe for ovulation. (Whenever you're ready, let's go!)
2) I got an Ovidrel shot emergency-style at a drug store in town since my shot was not due to arrive for another 12 hours. I injected myself at 11:00 last night, planning for an insemination Thursday.
3) I cornered my RE nurse about the symptoms. And I FULLY get it now. Here's the lowdown - all those years when I had an hour of cramps, 1 day of flow, and no PMS symptoms, I was probably NOT sending out an egg. For sure, I was not making enough progesterone. Your cramps and flow are directly related to the thickness of your uterine lining. Therefore, with a short flow cycle and minimal cramps, I did not have a lining thick enough to enable me to get pregnant. Well, THAT explains my gynecologist's diagnosis of infertility when I was 30. He said at the time it was likely hormonal. Here the nurse is saying the same thing, using other words. Okay, hormonal imbalance has plagued me the past 25 years of life, so I understand. It's all related, right? So now that I am having PMS symptoms, bad cramps, and sheets falling out of me, I CAN get pregnant. I am now normal. (Wow, so that's what it feels like!) She is happy with the more pain I am in and the more days of bleeding I have. Remind me to give her a piece of coal for her stocking.
4) With a uterine lining of 10 already, when I am usually at 6 by this point, she is confident this will be THE one. :) Let's hope. If it's not, I may take a couple months off of the process so that it puts my due date at a better time (end of the semester as opposed to the beginning). We'll see.
5) IUI is tomorrow. This is my last sperm vial. Fingers are crossed ...
1) I have 2 follicles in the left ovary, 1 is 22 mm. and the other is 27 mm. I also have a uterine lining of 10+, which means I am ripe for ovulation. (Whenever you're ready, let's go!)
2) I got an Ovidrel shot emergency-style at a drug store in town since my shot was not due to arrive for another 12 hours. I injected myself at 11:00 last night, planning for an insemination Thursday.
3) I cornered my RE nurse about the symptoms. And I FULLY get it now. Here's the lowdown - all those years when I had an hour of cramps, 1 day of flow, and no PMS symptoms, I was probably NOT sending out an egg. For sure, I was not making enough progesterone. Your cramps and flow are directly related to the thickness of your uterine lining. Therefore, with a short flow cycle and minimal cramps, I did not have a lining thick enough to enable me to get pregnant. Well, THAT explains my gynecologist's diagnosis of infertility when I was 30. He said at the time it was likely hormonal. Here the nurse is saying the same thing, using other words. Okay, hormonal imbalance has plagued me the past 25 years of life, so I understand. It's all related, right? So now that I am having PMS symptoms, bad cramps, and sheets falling out of me, I CAN get pregnant. I am now normal. (Wow, so that's what it feels like!) She is happy with the more pain I am in and the more days of bleeding I have. Remind me to give her a piece of coal for her stocking.
4) With a uterine lining of 10 already, when I am usually at 6 by this point, she is confident this will be THE one. :) Let's hope. If it's not, I may take a couple months off of the process so that it puts my due date at a better time (end of the semester as opposed to the beginning). We'll see.
5) IUI is tomorrow. This is my last sperm vial. Fingers are crossed ...
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Dr. Roisen's show
My goodness! I just finished watching a program with Dr. Roizen (from Oprah and Reader's Digest fame) on how to lose "waist" (aka, weight), which is a lifestyle change diet he is advocating on PBS. Here's why I am amazed -- the very things he advocates are the very things I do already. No wonder I am having trouble gaining weight!
I guess in all fairness I should also explain that I underwent (is that a word?) a lifestyle change with the high cholesterol diagnosis. He is advocating nothing more than what is in the Cholesterol for Dummies book. So the weight loss and the low weight right now both seem to make sense.
I did jump on the scales yesterday morning and found myself at a naked 110 pounds. My goal was 109 so it appears as if having dessert and drinking sweet tea have had their effects. Yay!!
I guess in all fairness I should also explain that I underwent (is that a word?) a lifestyle change with the high cholesterol diagnosis. He is advocating nothing more than what is in the Cholesterol for Dummies book. So the weight loss and the low weight right now both seem to make sense.
I did jump on the scales yesterday morning and found myself at a naked 110 pounds. My goal was 109 so it appears as if having dessert and drinking sweet tea have had their effects. Yay!!
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Diabetic cat update
My diabetic cat just got checked at the vet's office yesterday and he is fine. I got permission to inject him as he eats, which has made the likelihood of bent needles lower. He calms down so much when he eats, it is terrific. The injection this morning was perfect. No worries.
Further, my other elderly male cat has lost some weight. He is obese but is at 15.2 lbs., down from 17.0 lbs. at his latest weigh-in. He has been on prescription diet cat food now for about 6 weeks, making his weight loss 11% of his previous weight. Not bad for 6 weeks! I'm feeding him the amount of food for a cat at 10 pounds, which I think is a reasonable expectation. All 3 of the non-diabetic cats are on the prescription diet food.
The diabetic cat, is now at 13.2, which means he lost .7 pounds in 6 weeks. I'm hoping to stabilize his weight soon.
Three of my cats had Booger (no kidding on the name) as their father, mated to Sweet Mama, a calico. Booger was HUGE. He had long hair, a large frame, but was kind of on the skinny side, since he was a neighborhood stray. Sweet Mama was more compact, kind of like how my calico is built. So it makes sense why my cats tend towards fat - with a large frame and the propensity to put on weight ... now if only I could borrow their propensity! :) (Ever the rant of the one who CAN'T gain weight!)
Further, my other elderly male cat has lost some weight. He is obese but is at 15.2 lbs., down from 17.0 lbs. at his latest weigh-in. He has been on prescription diet cat food now for about 6 weeks, making his weight loss 11% of his previous weight. Not bad for 6 weeks! I'm feeding him the amount of food for a cat at 10 pounds, which I think is a reasonable expectation. All 3 of the non-diabetic cats are on the prescription diet food.
The diabetic cat, is now at 13.2, which means he lost .7 pounds in 6 weeks. I'm hoping to stabilize his weight soon.
Three of my cats had Booger (no kidding on the name) as their father, mated to Sweet Mama, a calico. Booger was HUGE. He had long hair, a large frame, but was kind of on the skinny side, since he was a neighborhood stray. Sweet Mama was more compact, kind of like how my calico is built. So it makes sense why my cats tend towards fat - with a large frame and the propensity to put on weight ... now if only I could borrow their propensity! :) (Ever the rant of the one who CAN'T gain weight!)
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
I've decided on where I am going
Well, the interviews have come to a close. I received a total of 3 offers (would have been more but I shut 3 schools down early when I realized they were not in the same field as my first offer). Two of the offers were from Research 1 schools. I can't believe that I garnered their attention since I am at a Research 1-wannabe school. The 3-3's, that I understand. We are a 3-3. And I've been successful in the 3-3 guise this year. Research 1's are 2-2. Wow, to have time to write!
At my last interview, a colleague who did not watch my presentation spoke to some other folks who did attend, then she spoke with me. She said they were floored by my research presentation. I don't know what to say. Folks, I am simply not that good. However, the evidence seems to show the contrary. But why?
Like I said, I did not attend a Research 1 school. Instead, I have been catapulted along a research path by a visionary chair, one who used to teach in a Research 1 school. He has been the demanding one, the one who insisted I keep learning and questioning. I adapted to the job stress, I worked on my professorial-skills, I worked on my teaching. For the past 3 years, I have been pulling a 3-3+ and have been able to do my research and writing. So the workload, while it is substantial, has shown me that I CAN do this.
So, I will be moving up north again this summer. I am looking forward to living in a city again. Imagine, a real grocery store in my city! Imagine, culture! Imagine, Italian restaurants run by real Italians! Imagine, taxis for the mornings your car won't start!
Can you tell I am excited?
At my last interview, a colleague who did not watch my presentation spoke to some other folks who did attend, then she spoke with me. She said they were floored by my research presentation. I don't know what to say. Folks, I am simply not that good. However, the evidence seems to show the contrary. But why?
Like I said, I did not attend a Research 1 school. Instead, I have been catapulted along a research path by a visionary chair, one who used to teach in a Research 1 school. He has been the demanding one, the one who insisted I keep learning and questioning. I adapted to the job stress, I worked on my professorial-skills, I worked on my teaching. For the past 3 years, I have been pulling a 3-3+ and have been able to do my research and writing. So the workload, while it is substantial, has shown me that I CAN do this.
So, I will be moving up north again this summer. I am looking forward to living in a city again. Imagine, a real grocery store in my city! Imagine, culture! Imagine, Italian restaurants run by real Italians! Imagine, taxis for the mornings your car won't start!
Can you tell I am excited?
No go
Well, that IUI was a no go. I am genuinely perplexed as to WHY I am having these weird things happen to me. You see, this time I had multiple symptoms of pregnancy (including the odd Montgomery's tubercles) but was not pregnant. I bled something awful. Sheets of blood, 1"x3" sheets, fell out as clots.
But nary a positive urine test. You see, if there had been any positive test, I could understand that I had been pregnant and experienced an early miscarriage. THAT I would understand. What I don't understand is why, all of a sudden, I am experiencing things I have never experienced before.
For instance, my usually light menstrual cycle of 1 day has now become heavy for 3 days. I have breast issues before my cycle begins (my breasts NEVER had issues before). I get hot -- huh? I'm the one freezing in 80 degrees. Basically it's like the doctor is saying these are PMS symptoms when I have never had symptoms before.
So I sit here, taking Femara, genuinely confused, and I am really going to talk with the RE nurse something fierce when I see her next week ... I need answers. I need to know why this is happening.
But nary a positive urine test. You see, if there had been any positive test, I could understand that I had been pregnant and experienced an early miscarriage. THAT I would understand. What I don't understand is why, all of a sudden, I am experiencing things I have never experienced before.
For instance, my usually light menstrual cycle of 1 day has now become heavy for 3 days. I have breast issues before my cycle begins (my breasts NEVER had issues before). I get hot -- huh? I'm the one freezing in 80 degrees. Basically it's like the doctor is saying these are PMS symptoms when I have never had symptoms before.
So I sit here, taking Femara, genuinely confused, and I am really going to talk with the RE nurse something fierce when I see her next week ... I need answers. I need to know why this is happening.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Waiting and wondering ...
Well, some very weird body things are going on. I, the one who NEVER complains of heat, have now done so for 4 days. Sunday, it was all I could stand sitting in car on a 60 degree day in the sun with the windows open. Sunday night, I turned down the heat in my house (it was in the 30s outside) just because I was sweltering. I couldn't sleep well that night because I had too many covers on. Then on Monday, same things. Hot, hot, hot. Tuesday, all of the same with a body temperature of 98.0, when I am normally 96.8 (I'm just a low temp woman). This morning (Wednesday) 98.6 upon waking. Where, oh where, did my cold body go to? Where, also, did my catatonic sleep disappear to? I usually lay down and that's it ... gone until the alarm rings. Now I toss and turn all night, sweltering.
I'm also going to bed each night by 8:30, absolutely tired. Of course, I am very busy right now, so that could be normal.
And now let's talk breasts. Nipples erect, entire breasts sore, and sometimes swollen. Yesterday, cute white bumps extremely pronounced around the nipples. And I had some miniature spotting (pink dots, then later some brown in my CM). Strange, huh?
I just want to be able to test soon. If this is not pregnancy, I am coming down with something and it is a doozy of an illness, to be sure. Well, I'm gonna strip and go back to sleep ... maybe with no clothes on, my little heater of a body will let me sleep another hour?
I'm also going to bed each night by 8:30, absolutely tired. Of course, I am very busy right now, so that could be normal.
And now let's talk breasts. Nipples erect, entire breasts sore, and sometimes swollen. Yesterday, cute white bumps extremely pronounced around the nipples. And I had some miniature spotting (pink dots, then later some brown in my CM). Strange, huh?
I just want to be able to test soon. If this is not pregnancy, I am coming down with something and it is a doozy of an illness, to be sure. Well, I'm gonna strip and go back to sleep ... maybe with no clothes on, my little heater of a body will let me sleep another hour?
Monday, March 3, 2008
10 DPO
Well, the symptoms are here again. Erect nipples, breast sensitivity, and now the added highlight of motion sickness when riding in the backseat of my folks' new car. Mind you, I get carsick easily and it may simply be the car ... if a car is too well-sprung, I feel like I'm on a boat in the ocean, and there goes the attitude and feeling of general good health.
Only 5 more days until I can test, but I don't have any tests here and am really not looking forward to the negative on the pea stick, so I'm not sure I am planning to test. It's just that the negative test result is such a downer each month. We'll see ... like I said, the 2WW is interminable.
I am almost done with the job interviews and so far my first choice has remained so. :) It looks like I'll be living in New York afer all.
Only 5 more days until I can test, but I don't have any tests here and am really not looking forward to the negative on the pea stick, so I'm not sure I am planning to test. It's just that the negative test result is such a downer each month. We'll see ... like I said, the 2WW is interminable.
I am almost done with the job interviews and so far my first choice has remained so. :) It looks like I'll be living in New York afer all.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
