Heartbeat Seen

Well, another milestone has been struck. On 5w6d, I got an ultrasound which revealed that not only was the embryo still alive, there was a very strong heartbeat of 143 bpm (week 6 it's supposed to be in the 90s). Yay! The embryo measures at 4 mm. It measures at 6w1d, which is 2 days ahead.

It's like all along, this little embryo has been determined to outperform the standards. First, high HCG, quadrupling when it was supposed to double, outrageous progesterone, and now above standard growth and strong heartbeat.

The OHSS is a bit better. The ovaries are shrinking and more fluid is in my pelvic cavity (hence the pain I was feeling, due to the cavity becoming inflamed from that fluid). It's still just a waiting game ...

After the ultrasound, I spoke with the nurse practitioner - she is connected to the infertility doctor, not the OB/gyn section. She was trying to release me to an OB. I was like, wait! I'm still in miscarriage territory.

She didn't say it outright, but she made me think these thoughts with everything else she did say - I have been so worried about miscarriage, it's almost like I've been expecting it. I had not realized cognitively or emotionally that we were working with probable birth. I am now at 90%+ likelihood of a child, so it is time to pick an OB. I have to pick an OB because that's who will be in charge of me - because I am no longer infertile. Shoot, talk about having to reframe your expectations and operating methods!

I sat down and tried to come up with criteria and thoughts .... something I had not yet done because I wasn't thinking I'd need one until 13 weeks. So I now have thoughts - I need an OB who:

• is laid back yet does all the required tests, etc. Basically, if something is worrying her, she dances around it and lets me know WHEN it is important, no prior to. I am a compulsive worrier so it is better to make light of things until I need to worry.
• acknowledges I am an intelligent woman yet can handle my ignorance well. Not having had children before nor taken much interest in the process, I am kind of clueless to this whole thing.
• has some sort of nurse-line or something so that when something is bothering me at 2 in the morning, I can call and ask questions.
• understands I want to walk the line between me having little natural pain tolerance and not wanting narcotics at the birth. I have a sensitivity to narcotics and narcotic-like medications and am basically a lighter-weight lightweight than a baby when it comes to the substances. Cough medicine makes me catatonic ... and true narcotics are killer. For goodness sake, 1 benadryl puts me under!
• I really don't care who is between my legs when I give birth. I figure I will be panting, screeching, moaning, etc., so much that whomever is down there will be immaterial. So the person who actually delivers me is moot. Instead, give me someone good in the meantime, before it is time for business. Establish enough trust with me by holding my hand through these months and I will behave for the birth. Maybe. :)

So, those are my qualifications. I made an appointment with the most laid-back OB they have. So far, I am not high-risk.

So -- a revised understanding of my predicament, a facing of the truth. All in the course of an hour -- what a novel turn of events. I went from miscarriage-oriented to "I'm going to have a child." Wow ---