Well, the rabbit died again ...

I got a barely-there positive on the home pregnancy test this morning. Good. My joy has been moderated by the fact that this is what happened last time, and it didn't make it. (I am awfully good at killing embryos.) I've called the office to go in for my first HCG test. I already know the number is around 18, since the HPT showed that barely-there line. But, on the plus side, if I get a, HCG level, and I still lose it, I have some proof for the recurrent pregnancy loss investigation. The doc just insists in 3 documented losses before he acknowledges there is a problem.

So, is this the point where I pray I don't get the 40% likelihood of a miscarriage? And cross my fingers? It's only CD 10, maybe it's just a very light pregnancy line? Yeah, that's what I told myself last time.

I'm not sure if I should be happy ... I'm just waiting for that other shoe to fall right now.

IUI Day

Today was 5th IUI day. Let's hope all goes very well! The doctor did the IUI this time, a complete surprise. He was much smoother at it than the woman who has always done it in the past. In and out, almost like sex, but of course, without the O. :) So we have begun the 2 week wait. I'm just hoping my Happy Swimmers swim very well, bear down on those eggs, and get lucky.

As far as stress is concerned, all I really have on my plate is getting the dissertation finalized and turning it in, no sweat. Plus I am maid of honor in a wedding, teach a class, and have to start working on the house. No pressures.

Right! Have a happy one!

Helpful Warning

When injecting Ovidrel, make sure you get the air out of the prepared needle. I was injecting myself last night when I noticed the air in the needle and had to hastily withdraw the needle from my skin to remedy the situation. Here's the kicker: the directions do not state to remove the air. Only injecting myself once a month (and having not done it for 2 months), it is not an instinctive step to take. I'm going to notify the manufacturer (I should think it is a lawsuit waiting to happen, but then that's me). Happy injections folks!

3 follicles

Good morning! I went in for my Day 11 ultrasound (yay!) and I have 3 follicles. One is a 25, one is a 17, and one is a 15, so it is possible that all 3 will go when I surge (29, 21, 19 in 2 days). So, good-goody, it looks like I will be triggering tonight with Ovidrel and insemination will be Thursday. Yippee!

As an aside, the dissertation is due for the final review/read through tomorrow morning. My summer class starts tomorrow night and I will teach it, defend the dissertation, pack, and paint the house for the next month until I go to Alaska. So, all in all, a chock full month. Fun!

Anyways, stay tuned.

I'm BACK!!!

Well, faithful few, I have returned. I met with the RE-wannabe (my doc) and he made me feel all better. First off, when I spoke with the more-experienced nurse (there are 2), she did not realize I had such a negative view of the other nurse's comments and had not realized how they could have come across. I was all prepared, for instance, for the doctor to tell me my eggs were all bad. That is not what was intended today, but that's what I thought was coming for almost 4 weeks. Well, I daresay SOMEONE is going to get a new one ripped today and it isn't me. :) A little bit of glee at what is going to be a learning experience for her. Just a thought -- use a little more care with all phone conversations since all they have to hang on are your words. Even though you intend something else, they may walk away with a different set of thoughts. And that will ultimately harm your bottom line -- customer satisfaction. It was entirely unnecessary for me to worry for 4 blasted weeks.

Next, the doctor explained that miscarriage risk is equal to my age. I am nigh unto 40 (4 months shy), so I have a 40% risk of any acknowledged pregnancy evolving into miscarriage. And that doesn't count those 2 months where I had symptoms and may have been pregnant but had no positive pregancy test (damned difference in HCG measurements!), so I am entirely normal. We do not yet have recurrent pregnancy loss.

Next, I likely am not seeing a problem with APA or ani-thyroid antibodies or natural killer cells, since those seem to happen in weeks 6-9 and I haven't gotten there yet. I was only in week 5. This miscarried embryo was therefore most likely (80%) chromosomally abnormal. And with my age, that's not surprising.

OK. I can live with that. He said, with some fuzzy math, that my likelihood of having a 2nd miscarriage with the next pregancy is 10%, but I still think it is 40% ... I know the odds are 10% that the 40% will occur. Whichever it may be, I just need to adjust my understandings to moderate excitement until we see a fetal heartbeat and then until we get past 12 weeks.

The doc said that I just caught the raw end of the deal but it does say some things. 1) I can get pregnant; 2) I have a normal cycle; 3) We got the timing right; 4) The current protocol (Femara) WORKS - don't mess with a good thing.

OK. Makes sense. Why oh why did I not demand to speak with my favorite nurse back at miscarriage time? Well, in reality, I did call her and leave her a message but I guess the less-experienced one just decided to call me instead. But now I know the code talk "I want to speak with Kathy about something." I can do that. I just wish I'd known that 4 weeks ago.

So, I'm kind of happy about all this. He gave me the name and address of a doctor colleague of his from medical school -- he's at Cornell in NYC, for August when I move. Cool -- I'll go there, since he said Cornell has the best rates around.

If I'm not pregnant by then. I'm crunching dates as we speak to see when I shall start again. Here's hoping ...