Weepy

It's just not fair. Why did God give me this love of family and children but never really brought a family-oriented man into my life? I always wanted to be married with children .. it was my dream. I know, I haven't even gotten quite close. I have a friend who was married, albeit in a poor marriage, cheated on her husband and then divorced him in order to be with the one she cheated with .. and now they're getting married. Another friend cheated on her husband and has now been cheated on and is upset. Where is all the fairness in all this? I have NEVER cheated, never. I believe in not mixing dirty laundry. Get out of a relationship before you cross that line. Well, me being a good person, why can't I find a man? Why can't God just decide I am a good person and he'll make that opportunity for me? Because here I am waiting for my miscarriage, when all I have ever really wanted in life are a husband and kids. I have neither. All I have are my family (brothers, parents, etc.), my cats, a few friends, and a career. Why can't I have what so many other people have found? It's just not right ...

A friend of mine once commented to a bunch of people that you hear about people like me, but you never meet them, well, she had found one. I never really understood the comment, but I think she was talking about my energy, kindness, and enthusiasm. It's the kindness which stands out ... I am nice to people, random people. In the halls at school, if someone looks out of place, I ask if I can help. It's just my way of being nice to others. I am kind to wait staff, kind to flight attendants, kind to people you see everywhere. Why is this piece of me simply not appreciated?

I'm sorry, I'm just so depressed about all this. I want a child. I have so much love to give. I want a man. I have so much love to give. Why can't I have either?

I'll go now. It's not the best day in the world. I am still waiting for the cramping, etc. and it doesn't seem to want to come. Pregnancy symptoms are still here.