One type of miscarriage is a chemical pregnancy, in which a positive urine or blood test has been identified but no heartbeat seen. I am going to have one today or tomorrow. My latest beta went down by 4 (22 down to an 18) which means my embryo is no longer feasible.
As the author of a pregnancy book wrote (and which I just read), this is the death of a child. While no one else not in these shoes can imagine, when I found out I was pregnant, I did not envision the embryo as such; instead, I saw it as a baby, wiggling and happy. To find out that this baby has now died means that I will grieve a bit. It is only natural. No one else can imagine such, since it was a much wished-for occasion, was celebrated by me happily (until the beta issues arose) and was something I have been working towards for so long.
Whenever a woman is told she is infertile, the successes are joyful, the losses are endless.
However, considering that, I'll give myself an appropriate amount of time to get over it, pack away any baby paraphernalia I got because I was so happy, and begin anew.
As was mentioned previously, my next adventure is injectables, to be in May. We'll see. I'll crunch the dates and see if that is best.
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1 comment:
I am so sorry. Take good care of yourself, and grieve. I'll be thinking about you. Susanna
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