No Infection

Good news! I don't have ANY infection. Apparently yellow foul-smelling discharge is going to be my normal. Yay! (Although, not having made a practice of previously smelling my discharge, how do I know what "foul" really smells like?)

Looking 6 months pregnant, but only 5. Interesting.

I got some books from Amazon and off of paperbackswap.com (a great deal, that one, just pay for postage to swap paperbacks). I am boning up on my baby information. Not having babysat a true infant in 30 years (yep, you read that right), I am woefully ignorant of infant's needs. Here are some things I learned:

• Babies don't need to be bathed every day. Every 2 or 3 days is fine and is recommended by doctors to keep their skin from drying out.
• Babies need manicures on a frequent basis because their fingernails grow so quickly. OTOH, their toenails grow much slower.
• Breastfed babies typically experience bowel movements after every feeding, so be prepared for constant diaper changes, above and beyond formula diaper changes.
• Use of cloth diapers really does decrease the incidence of diaper rash. (I thought it was cloth diaper propaganda, but the doctors said so.) Expect diaper rash between 3-6 months of age.
• Smiling occurs after 3 months of age.
• Separation anxiety is normal at 12 months. This worries me since my son will be 10 months when he starts F/T daycare again after a summer at home with me.

Anyways, just some of the fun stuff I learned. I am reading a book about the colic period too, and this doctor has a set method for handling it ... among the suggestions is using a vacuum cleaner in his presence. I'm still reading but it seems to be just 1 guy's opinion, not shared by the other books. We'll see ... 15 minutes of fame and all that.

So, until next time. Have a happy! :)

My Latest Appointment

Well, today was my anatomical ultrasound. All was going very well ... five fingers on one hand (the other scrunched by his face), five toes (never saw the other foot), cute as a button nose, legs and arms, good upper lip (no cleft palate), great spine, excellent heart and heartrate, empty bladder and stomach, just an overall good wiggly baby. Apparently, since I have a rear-facing placenta and am so darned skinny, I should be feeling him kicking. Nothing. And he is so wiggly. (He really detests the ultrasound wand pressing, too.) The placenta looks good except ... drumroll please ... it was low-lying, until she got a better look. Then, it was near the edge, until she got a different angle. Now, it is on the edge. She said it was partial placenta previa, but everything on the internet has said it is a marginal previa. Whichever, I could use some prayers that it resolves itself. My research found that 90% DO resolve themselves, so here is hoping. Of course, it is this time that I must remind myself that if there is a minimal chance of having something, I always win that lottery ... if only it was minimal chances of GREAT things occuring!

Next, I told her about some yellow discharge ... pee in the cup routine. I had an internal exam where 2 cultures were made and they are being sent off to the lab ... so we will see in a couple days. The doctor thinks it is Group B Strep since it wasn't any of the STDs they test for there in their lab. Simple round of antibiotics ... ho hum.

Oooh, dizzy spell just now. Still going on, too. Fascinating. OK, gone.

So, then the doc said I had blood in my urine ... what else can happen? I checked with my mother and yes, I remembered correctly. She has had blood in her urine for over 20 years and I've had it for about 7. So perhaps it is nothing. Mom has a miniscule amount and so too did I today. So here is hoping ....

We also discussed my constipation issues. Basically, I don't go for a week, which is when I clean out (per my OB's directions) with laxative and enema. But this is for the birds ... so she said to take magnesium with my prenatal and then also to take stook softeners every night. I am also being referred to a nutitionist to perhaps address my fiber intake issues. Basically, last time I met recommended daily fiber requirements, I lost 15 pounds. And one can't do that until AFTER Little One has arrived. So ... we'll see what this one says!

So, no good news ... well, unless you count the fact that that Little One looks wonderful, is 9 ounces already, and wiggly as all can be. Another appointment in 4 weeks, so ... have a happy one!

18 weeks along

Well, things are going really well with Little One. I am 18w2d today, showing quite obviously, and no issues, other than traditional constipation and daily headaches. The constipation is so bad I have resorted to abnormal methods to take care of the problem (as advised by my OB), just so that I have the room in my abdomen for eating. Here's the rub ... I have gained NOTHING since my appointment 2 weeks ago. So, not good. Gotta figure out a way to get the food in and the processed food out. :)

I have a lot of suppies for my son already. I bought a lot of things used off of Craigslist ... crib for $30, changing table for $20, bathtub for $5, Chicco travel system for $170, all sorts of goodies for major discounts. Now all I need to do is load up on medicinals and clth diapers and I will be on my way. I'm saving some things for showers ... oh yeah, and the breast pump. I doubt anyone would give me one, so I just have to figure out how to get on cheaply.

Other than all that, not much is new.

Have a great day!

Very long time, huh?

I must admit: I have been among the missing. When last I updated, I was pregnant but awaiting a likely miscarriage, since I rarely get good TTC news. Well, the kid has stuck. He's in there, yes, sirree, he's growing big and strong.

I had my CVS last Thursday and I am expecting a chromosomally normal boy. The CVS doctor said his placenta looks great (no previa present). My OB said I am doing fine but she would like me to gain weight, not lose it. Whoops. I lost 2 pounds because the constipation makes me feel full. So this weekend, I got rid of everything as much as I could and I can eat a bit more.

I had little nausea and no vomiting during the first trimester. The little nausea I had was relieved by food, so as long as I ate and drank with regularity, he was a pleased little one. The exhaustion was a killer. I did not realize how tired I had been until it started easing week 9. I think the extra corpeus luteums finally died out and stopped producing so much progesterone. Of course, I'm not a doctor so I really don't know. Call it a hunch.

I am definitely getting fat. I show in my tight clothes, so I have been finding some loose ones to wear until I am ready to come out of the closet. I just worry over how a colleague will handle it, so I want some other things to occur before I let on that I am expecting. I just don't know how much more I can do ... at some point someone is going to notice just how much larger my stomach is than my breasts and AHAH! You're pregnant!

My mother has gone apeshit, in my opinion. I have clothes and things for this baby coming out of my ears. She is now off to buy me a 2nd crib (at least she's getting it off of Craigslist) so I can have one in his bedroom and another in the dining room on the 1st floor. She doesn't want Little One to sleep in a Pack and Play -- even though tons of babies DO, hey, it's not good enough for him!

So, that is that. On the other news front (i.e., real life), I started collecting seeds for my vegetable garden. My OB said no to herbicides (no Round Up), pesticides (no bug killer) and no fertilizer, so I guess I'm going organic this year! LOL! I can paint the baby's room now - yay! And I'm still trying to figure out how to make a lawnmower shed down in my 3rd level. We'll see. Maybe Dad will come visit and build it for me? :) Or not. Who knows?

So, I am basically quite happy about things. A little uncertain about work and dang if my house has not yet sold (I never intended to own 2 homes, blast the economy), but on the whole reasonably happy.

Will write soonish ... promise ...

So I'm a Worrywart ........

I went in for my ultrasound and bloodwork this morning. But first, a little background -- I last wrote on Saturday that my symptoms were all gone or had never appeared, so I was confused it was a missed misscarriage. Mond you, I didn't want that, but that's what I thought ... I felt FINE. And then Sunday it hit. Nausea. My body will not do crab cakes. Nor gravy. It says NO. And when the body says NO like that, I listen. Hot flashes, just getting so warm I feel like I'm going to keel, and then nothing, so I am freezing.

So, that was yesterday. Today, I went in for the u/s and we have a baby measuring 7w4d (real age: 7w2d) with a heartbeat of 154. Phew. Relief. I'm getting thyroid levels checked and the doc gave me seabands to help with the nausea. (I feel much better. Now can we do something about the constipation?)

So, all in all, a good appointment. And I am apparently the most worry-wart person out there.

Oh yeah, and the OHSS is STILL there. The pooch I have is not from the baby, it's still the hyperstimulation. Grrr. I want a flat-belly belly shot!

Worried Yet Again

Only 2 days to go until I get another ultrasound and my bloodwork. I have not had the morning sickness others complain about -- my few incidences with nausea are gone. I have had no cramping, no spotting or bleeding, nothing else to give me any thoughts about it conclusively, but I think it has ceased to grow. I really should have insisted on an ultrasound yesterday so I wouldn't spend the weekend obsessing over this ... but the didn't want me to have one anyways since all looked so good, so I guess this is the next best thing.

Grrr ..... I have the patience and temper of a 3 year old with a toy just out of reach.

On the other side, I think I've made some decisions about what to say to the OB. This is graphic. When I was 12 and had my finger set after being smashed to bits, they tried the Novocaine in the finger 6 times. After the 6th shot (and the doctor wanted to go home), my pinky was still feeling simple touches. He said, "This is going to hurt" and manually reformed my finger, moving it back into position (it was hanging off to the side of my hand) and then proceeded to wrap and splint it. I screamed like a banshee. It HURT! My mother, of course, held onto my hand the whole time and my brothers stood with their mouths gaped open. Afterwards, the doctor explained that some people just don't process the meds the right way and when it became obvious this local anaesthetic was not going to take, he had to do it with no warning, no time for me to anticipate the pain. It simply had to be done. Well, I got over it (with large doses of Tylenol). Another time when I went in for a tooth filling, they had to inject 4 Novocaine shots to deaden a tooth. It almost worked ... I still had some feeling but the pain was deadened.

Now we get to the narcotic sensitivity. The dextro- drug found in cough medicine lays me out. I take 2 teaspoons (the amount indicated for children 12-16 years old) and I am catatonic for hours. I've taken cough meds for toddlers - still wacky. The last time I took cough medicine, I used the baby formula (probably now off the market) and the infant size dose, and I was drunk as a skunk a day later. I was also prescribed Ativan in college by a doctor (he thought I was stressed) and I was a crumpled mass of body, unable to move legs or arms, crying in the hall, no bodily control. And that wasn't even the whole pill. I'd split it into 1/4. Another time the doctor prescribed Vicodin for back pain, when I was having a bad reaction to a cholesterol-lowering drug. I know I came up for air occasionally, but I basically spent a week sleeping face first on my couch.

Now let me tell you about Benadryl. I have an anaphylactic reaction to lemon. When we were first investigating why I was having these allergy attacks (we did not know I was allergic to lemon at this point), I was told to take 2 Benadryl when my lips started to swell. Exactly 20 minutes later, I was a catatonic mass. We didn't clue in on it right away, so there I would be sitting and my mom would ask me a question and I would answer, albeit in my mind and not out loud. My body just did not work. So my little brother would have to pick me up from my chair and take me to the sofa and lay me out. Four hours later, I would be back, but no sooner. So we eventually learned that 1 Benadryl equals 2 hours' sleep. We also learned that although the directions for Benadryl say you may experience drowsiness, they really didn't know the extent to which my body reacted ... so 1 was usually best. I still only take 1 Benadryl when I am having a reaction, due in part to the fact that I live alone and need enough consciousness to get to an ER if the attack turns worse than it started.

OK, so here we have a body that does not respond well or predictably to different medications. I am super-sensitive when it comes to narcotics and anti-histamines and not as sensitive when it comes to the -caine family. I don't know what this means but I do know I prefer we work with the known and given. For instance, during the egg retrieval, they only used 2 of their regular 4 drugs on me and the 2 they used worked to a hyper degree than they anticipated. Can we find out what those drugs were and how much was used and how quickly I went under? In other words, let's not use the regular known childbirth drug protocol, let's adjust it for the lightweight I am. I wonder if that is possible? Well, it certainly is going to be something I plan to discuss with her.

Of course, all this rides on the embryo continuing to be alive ... so I think I will bid adieu and go worry over some food. Food is balm for the soul, right? :)

Heartbeat Seen

Well, another milestone has been struck. On 5w6d, I got an ultrasound which revealed that not only was the embryo still alive, there was a very strong heartbeat of 143 bpm (week 6 it's supposed to be in the 90s). Yay! The embryo measures at 4 mm. It measures at 6w1d, which is 2 days ahead.

It's like all along, this little embryo has been determined to outperform the standards. First, high HCG, quadrupling when it was supposed to double, outrageous progesterone, and now above standard growth and strong heartbeat.

The OHSS is a bit better. The ovaries are shrinking and more fluid is in my pelvic cavity (hence the pain I was feeling, due to the cavity becoming inflamed from that fluid). It's still just a waiting game ...

After the ultrasound, I spoke with the nurse practitioner - she is connected to the infertility doctor, not the OB/gyn section. She was trying to release me to an OB. I was like, wait! I'm still in miscarriage territory.

She didn't say it outright, but she made me think these thoughts with everything else she did say - I have been so worried about miscarriage, it's almost like I've been expecting it. I had not realized cognitively or emotionally that we were working with probable birth. I am now at 90%+ likelihood of a child, so it is time to pick an OB. I have to pick an OB because that's who will be in charge of me - because I am no longer infertile. Shoot, talk about having to reframe your expectations and operating methods!

I sat down and tried to come up with criteria and thoughts .... something I had not yet done because I wasn't thinking I'd need one until 13 weeks. So I now have thoughts - I need an OB who:

• is laid back yet does all the required tests, etc. Basically, if something is worrying her, she dances around it and lets me know WHEN it is important, no prior to. I am a compulsive worrier so it is better to make light of things until I need to worry.
• acknowledges I am an intelligent woman yet can handle my ignorance well. Not having had children before nor taken much interest in the process, I am kind of clueless to this whole thing.
• has some sort of nurse-line or something so that when something is bothering me at 2 in the morning, I can call and ask questions.
• understands I want to walk the line between me having little natural pain tolerance and not wanting narcotics at the birth. I have a sensitivity to narcotics and narcotic-like medications and am basically a lighter-weight lightweight than a baby when it comes to the substances. Cough medicine makes me catatonic ... and true narcotics are killer. For goodness sake, 1 benadryl puts me under!
• I really don't care who is between my legs when I give birth. I figure I will be panting, screeching, moaning, etc., so much that whomever is down there will be immaterial. So the person who actually delivers me is moot. Instead, give me someone good in the meantime, before it is time for business. Establish enough trust with me by holding my hand through these months and I will behave for the birth. Maybe. :)

So, those are my qualifications. I made an appointment with the most laid-back OB they have. So far, I am not high-risk.

So -- a revised understanding of my predicament, a facing of the truth. All in the course of an hour -- what a novel turn of events. I went from miscarriage-oriented to "I'm going to have a child." Wow ---

All seems to be well ...

I'm still on the miscarriage watch (wouldn't you be too, with my history?) but all seems to be well. Just hoping, oddly enough, that morning sickness hits, just to know it is still viable. Sick, I realize. But ever watchful and expecting the worst ...

5w2d, not bad, and the longest I have ever been pregnant before ...

Ultrasound on Thursday, 4 whole days away. The OHSS is still kicking. Swollen. Passing pain. We'll see. :) Hope everyone has a lovely day!

Happy 5 weeks!

Well, I have my 5 week ultrasound, check-in with the doc, and bloodwork. While the OHSS is not improving (my right ovary got even larger) all of my blood work and electrolyte balances look good. And apparently the gall bladder isn't too irritated from all this.

And then we get to my lovely little embryo. First, it measures 5w1d, a fast starter. And it has a yolk sac ... superb! I have an appointment to check for the heartbeat next Thursday. Maybe, maybe .. once that shows, less than 10% chance for miscarriage, so knocking on wood!

But the doc is unusually confident (his words) about my embryo. He said that embryo is kicking out so much hormone we all thought there was more than one in there, that he has no worries. It's robust, healthy, growing faster than its age ... it's a good embryo. What a feel good concept!

I sent my folks a Valentine's Day card from "Baby X", written in Baby X's voice. I included the ultrasound picture and said all the doctor had said, particularly about the early growth and hormone imbalance ... I think my parents will be tickled and are going to show that picture around. I'm actually planning on sending copies of the ultrsounds to my folks and brothers on a routine basis, maybe not every ultrsound but enough so that they all get excited about this .... it should be fun!

Well, until Thursday, it has been a wonderful week!

Will I Never Learn?

Well, folks, it's Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome! WHEE!

Nothing like a blanket scary statement to bring out the fear in all the folks also undergoing ovulation induction, huh? I called the fertility clinic yesterday to ask about the pain in my stomach. She told me to go to my GP. Good thing I did not! He would have palpated my stomach area and could have popped an ovary.

When I was large again today, I called and got someone else. I asked what my progesterone level was because I am bloated and thought they might be related. Well, hell, it's probably hyperstimulation. I immediately booked an emergency ultrasound for 30 minutes from then and got the confirmation of OHSS at the local doc's office who handles my monitoring. This doc is a bit angry that they (the clinic) allowed things to get this bad.

I have fluid in my ovaries and pelvic cavity. It's a mild to moderate case. But here's the rub - when you have OHSS and are pregnant, the HCG makes it continue or get worse. FUN! And when you consider my HCG is quadrupling every 3 days, well, it's not good. I now will be followed by this doc, and he sounds like he's had plenty of experience with it. I am to take it easy (I'd planned on working out tonight, so thank goodness we found out what it was) and drink fluids, weigh myself daily and make sure I urinate a lot. He'll do another ultrasound on Friday and check my bloods ...

They saw one embryonic sac on the ultrasound. :) Not two. Two babies would make the OHSS last longer. As it is, with one baby, it'll last a month. Of course, since the HCG is doubling and it is still early yet, the doc is thinking it may yet be twins ... hence the ultrasound on Friday.

The doc is also worried about my stomach pain, thinking perhaps the progesterone is inflaming my gallbladder, so I think that may be examined on Friday too. Ah, yeah, and my nausea? It COULD be early morning sickness, but then it is more likely OHSS. By the time I get over OHSS nausea, the real stuff will have arrived. Ah, what a lovely concept!

Don't I do such a good job of screwing things up? It's my life ... I just can't help it.

I did go out tonight and buy some pants. A lady told me I looked 6 months pregnant. Ha! But now I have about 5 pair of size 6P (I'm normally a 4P) pants, so instead of needing to go into maternity as I begin to show, I can wear these again, once the OHSS is gone. And they'll be great for after baby ... and of course, any other time I may have OHSS!

This is a risky time ... I'm just hoping and praying all goes well. I am so talented ...

Beta #1: 8dp3dt

Today is technically 12 dpo. I have a beta of 42. Since the nurse is not sure if the Ovidrel shot is out of my system, she is not getting excited yet (may I shoot her, please?) and will hold off until Friday from getting excited.

Well, all I can say is that the Ovidrel is always gone 10 days after I inject, and I injected 13 days ago. I tested Sunday night, nadah. No HCG to be found. So it is. I am pregnant. Holy cow, I am so tickled. Makes me want to go out and celebrate by eating some potato skins .. but I won't. I brought my lunch. I am going to tamp down on my frenetic YYYEEESSSS!!! and nuke my chili.

I need some serious heavenward prayers I won't kill this one. A beta of 42. Never been that far up before ...

Holy cow, I am PREGNANT!!!!!